I recently wrote an article called “Meeting People Where They Are: A Key Leadership Skill” which was both well received and initiated some great feedback. A common thread of the post-article engagement was people sharing their experiences of being met where they were. It got me thinking about how meeting people where they are also includes being met where I am.
We are living in unprecedented times: two catastrophic wars, more than a hundred countries experiencing a change in government during this year, rapidly changing technology that directly and indirectly impacts our stress levels, excessive socio-economic pressures, and, to top it all off, William Smith, renowned South African STEM education pioneer, has passed away. Honestly, where is the pause button? With so much going on in our lives all the time, how do we pinpoint where we are?
Where am I?
Meeting me where I am requires two things. Firstly, I need to know where I am. How am I feeling right now? What is worrying me? What is my true energy level? This is an important component of self-growth and self-compassion, two of my favourite topics, because it requires us to do an audit on ourselves and acknowledge what is working for us and what am I doing that is conflicting with my goals and values. If I feel tired all the time, it is easy and natural to blame work, the traffic, my snoring partner, the kids, my neighbour’s barking dogs. But I should be asking myself if I am eating well or loading up on sugar and junk food because its quick and easy. Am I exercising daily (even a 20-minute walk counts) or plonking on the couch mindlessly watching the telly. Am I stressed and angry because I don’t feel valued and supported or because I am not putting boundaries in place and taking care of my own mental wellbeing? When you do this self-audit, be tough with yourself and be honest. The only way to know where you are is to understand why you’re there.
Secondly, you need to be vulnerable. And this is where is gets tough and uncomfortable. It is hard enough being honest with our own self in the safety of our own bathroom mirror. It is quite another thing letting other people see us with our superhero mask down. But how can we expect to be met where we are if we don’t tell people where we are?
I am not advocating a public announcement, although some people are exceptionally good at this (Brent Lindeque I’m looking at you) and it certainly helps normalise being vulnerable. I am encouraging you to speak up about where you are so that people can meet you there and support you, give you space if that’s what you want and need, and understand you better. Imagine those conversations!
Why this matters
After the August 2024 Springbok game against the All Blacks at Emirates Airline Park which most of South Africa watched from the edge of their seats, captain Siya Kolisi used his platform during the post-match interview to raise the critical topic of gender-based violence. South Africa’s 702 radio talk show host Clement Manyatela was at an Adele concert in Germany a few weeks back and he was pulled up onto the stage by the global superstar. In his moment of shock and elation he still gave a shout out to South Africa and his national pride was evident for everyone watching. Olympian and national treasure Tatiana Smit used her time in the spotlight to acknowledge her journey and highlight the people who have supported her and stood in her corner no matter how well (or not) things were going.
When we share our stories, when we speak up, when we let people know where we are in life, we naturally allow others to be authentic with where they are. And then, we can meet them there. This is especially true for leaders because this makes people relatable which is a key success metric for leadership.
Meet me where I am
We cannot expect to change the organisational cultures around us if we aren’t prepared to speak up for ourselves and for those around us. If we go into every encounter with an attitude of respect and learning, we will be met where we are and in turn meet them where the other party is..
The incredible author Marianne Williamson penned this timeless piece in 1992, and it still resonates today. Let me end off with this beautiful excerpt reiterating the theme of this article ~
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? …
…And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
